Fake Bake
Let me say this first: I am unbelievably white.
Probably the whitest person I know.
No - I take that back - the whitest person I know is a friend and former co-worker who has gone on to create his own talk show. But I digress.
What I mean is, I am pale. Vampire pale. Now, mind you, part of the reason for that is self-inflicted - I come from a long line of people who have survived skin cancer. I don't want to be a skin cancer survivor... I'd rather just not have skin cancer in the first place. So I wear sunblock, and am careful about my exposure to the sun, and I don't go to tanning beds.
But my legs have induced blindness in the unsuspecting. And this week it's been in the 80's and 90's in the MOUNTAINS. That's hot for my neck of the woods, especially this early in the year. So I gotta break out the shorts when my son, Sir Runs-Incessantly-After-the-Beagle, insists on playing outdoors.
Long story short, I got the bright (no pun intended) idea to try out a sunless tanning product, courtesy of a friend who sells Avon. How hard could this be, I asked myself. You exfoliate, then you smear yourself with this clear stuff and let it dry. What could be easier?
Ri-hight.
You try to sit still and keep a two-and-a-half-year-old from touching you. You try to see where you've already put something that's clear. You try to just get enough time alone in the bathroom to exfoliate - let alone apply sunless tanner - with a potty-training kid banging on the door and yelling, "Potty, Mama!"
My legs are hilariously streaked orange and white now. I hope this stuff wears off soon so I can scare people again with my absurdly white legs. I'm sure as heck not going to put anymore fake bake on them!
Probably the whitest person I know.
No - I take that back - the whitest person I know is a friend and former co-worker who has gone on to create his own talk show. But I digress.
What I mean is, I am pale. Vampire pale. Now, mind you, part of the reason for that is self-inflicted - I come from a long line of people who have survived skin cancer. I don't want to be a skin cancer survivor... I'd rather just not have skin cancer in the first place. So I wear sunblock, and am careful about my exposure to the sun, and I don't go to tanning beds.
But my legs have induced blindness in the unsuspecting. And this week it's been in the 80's and 90's in the MOUNTAINS. That's hot for my neck of the woods, especially this early in the year. So I gotta break out the shorts when my son, Sir Runs-Incessantly-After-the-Beagle, insists on playing outdoors.
Long story short, I got the bright (no pun intended) idea to try out a sunless tanning product, courtesy of a friend who sells Avon. How hard could this be, I asked myself. You exfoliate, then you smear yourself with this clear stuff and let it dry. What could be easier?
Ri-hight.
You try to sit still and keep a two-and-a-half-year-old from touching you. You try to see where you've already put something that's clear. You try to just get enough time alone in the bathroom to exfoliate - let alone apply sunless tanner - with a potty-training kid banging on the door and yelling, "Potty, Mama!"
My legs are hilariously streaked orange and white now. I hope this stuff wears off soon so I can scare people again with my absurdly white legs. I'm sure as heck not going to put anymore fake bake on them!
posted by Becky @ 6:40 AM
2 Comments:
At 5:27 PM,
Unknown said…
At the spa next to my health club, they have a spray on tan.
It's expensive, but I think if I had to have a tanned look, say for going to pick up my Oscar or Christy or something (dreamin' in technicolor here) that's what I'd do.
But ya know, it still looks a tad orangey.
I can see your striped legs. Thanks for the warning!
At 9:36 PM,
Thomas J Wolfenden said…
I thought I was white... My legs haven't seen the sun since the mid 80's so I'm pretty sure if I went outside with shorts on at this point I'd blind the astronauts in the international space station...
Good luck with the orange look!
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