A Mother's Day Reflection

Mother's Day is going to be hard for me this year. It's the first time the holiday's come around since my own sweet mother died last summer. And yet... Mother's Day is also going to be dear to me, as a mother now myself.

It still seems a little strange to think of myself that way. In my head, I still see the skinny, freckled, awkward teen I was... not the slightly overweight, freckled, more-confident woman I suppose I probably seem to be.

When does one first become a mother? Is it the moment she first holds her newborn? Or does motherhood creep up, bit by bit, until it bonds to her identity in such a way that she is never the same?

I tend to think it's the latter. It took me a long time to get used to saying "my son" in reference to Sam. For a long time, he was merely "the baby." Not that I didn't love him... oh, no, love was instant as soon as I heard his cry, before I ever held him. It was probably well into his second year of life before he'd been enough of a constant in mine to appear in my nighttime dreams. One thing's for sure, though... I will never be the same.

In that respect, I can now appreciate my own mother in a new light. I never realized how much she loved me before Sam was born. But I now know I could never have hoped to love her nearly as much as she loved me. And I know one day Sam will realize he'll never be able to love me as much as I love him. I'd do anything for him. My mother would've done anything for me. What a blessing of a legacy to leave behind.

I can still hear her telling me, "That's what a mother is for."

Happy mother's day, Mom.